How to value people who annoy you

• My friend Scott Berkun and I are writing a book on "Why Design is Hard". To keep up with our progress, sign-up here.

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When I meet folks for the first time and end up talking about what we do for a living, I always say that in my role as a Design Program Manager all I do is negotiate trade deals, peace treaties, and facilitate group therapy sessions when it's not working out (which is surprisingly a lot).

It always elicits a knowing kind of laughter – the sort where we are all aware how hard and messy it is to make things with people who ask those questions that feel like annoying hindrances to our work.

I find this to be especially true as we work on "big tech" things that can't be made by a single person or a small homogeneous team.

(Hi Dunbar's number 👋)

It's this context where I start interrogating myself on why I feel annoyed at the asking of questions.

Most of the time, the answers that surface have to do with the fact that working in teams with multiple diverse points of view and realistic requirements is harder than it looks. (Hi Product, Design, Engineering, Marketing from the trenches to the executive suite 👋).

But when I move past my annoyance to really listen to the things people are asking, 9 times out of 10, they are things that will prevent trouble and delay down the line.

That's the point where annoying usually turns into helpful in ways that are hard to see at first.

So the next time you start getting questions from annoying stakeholders – Consider taking a step back to remember that a lot of the time you have to slow down and listen to build meaning and go faster/further in the long run.

That's where I find things often become annoyingly beautiful.